Beautiful With You
by FuckTheReaper
Summary: Alex is suffering some severe post traumatic stress and self-image issues after the incident at the greenhouse left her scarred and emotionally damaged forever, and only one person has the power to bring her back to herself and make her feel worthy again. I'm terrible at summaries. Post-prison. Vauseman one-shot. Inspired by the Halestorm song of the same name.
**Wassup bitches? Miss me?**

 **I know it's been a while since I last posted something, but I can assure you I am still here. It's been a long few months, but I'm alright :) I hope all is well with all of you lovely people.**

 **So this is my first ever OITNB story ever written, like ever. So it's also my first time writing for Vauseman as well. So I'm hoping I've done them the justice they deserve. Had this idea spring into my head after a friend of mine (Lucas98) suggested a song for me to listen to. The picture was so vivid, and I just had to write it. For anyone wondering, the song is called Beautiful With You by Halestorm (which I guess you guys probably already knew if you read the description for this story). Absolutely amazing song, please listen to it. It's great. But make sure you have tissues on standby, hahaha.**

 **Anyway, I'm gonna be quiet now. Please read, and leave reviews so that I know if I've done a decent job at this or not :)**

 **Love you all.**

 **(Also, credits to the owner of the image I used for the cover art of this story. Cheers)**

* * *

 _"Ugly."_

 _"Worthless."_

 _"Unwanted."_

 _"Pathetic."_

 _"Unlovable."_

 _"Disgusting."_

 _"Monster."_

 _"Freak."_

These thoughts swirled inside Alex's head for what felt like the millionth time; a constant cycle of self-deprecating taunts from the demons that resided within the recesses of her mind. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she could understand, with perfect clarity, why they continued to tell her such things. She _was_ ugly. The scars that covered her body were a constant reminder of that. Every time she undressed, she would catch a glimpse of herself, and those thoughts would rise to the surface. Ever since the attack in the greenhouse all those years ago. The damage Aydin had caused to her body was nothing compared to the mental trauma she suffered, but it was close. She was never the same after. Always on edge, even more paranoid than she had been. Her self-confidence diminished, she barely spoke to anyone. She became so depressed that she could barely function. She spent most of her days in her bunk (she had to be seperated from the rest of the inmates due to "noise complaints" at night) sleeping, shutting everyone and everything out. Waiting for her release, for the day she could finally be free from the hell hole that was Litchfield. The only person she spoke to was Piper. Her dear, sweet Piper, who had come to her rescue when she least expected it.

* * *

 _Alex lay motionless on the cold wooden floor of the greenhouse, gasping for air, trying to find the strength within her to scream, to call out for help, but her weary lungs failed her. She was naked from the waist down; her shirt was torn, and soaked with her own blood. Aydin's words echoed in her head._

 _"You don't get to get to die, Alex. Kubra just wanted me to make sure you suffer. To make you feel as dirty as you are, for what you did to him. You have to live with that, for the rest of your life. And that, my dear, is so much worse than death."_

 _Her body shook, and she coughed up yet another mouthful of blood. Her body ached, and at the same time felt as if it were on fire. Her legs were numb, her sides felt like they would cave in if she moved even an inch. Tears were spilling from her eyes, silently rolling down her swollen cheeks. She was cold, alone, and she felt so, so wrong._

 _She closed her eyes and summoned up the image of her beloved. Piper. Her Piper. The only woman she ever truly loved, and the only one she ever_ would _love. She didn't like the person that the blonde woman was turning into, but she still loved her. She couldn't help it. Piper had swept in and stolen her heart when she had least expected it, shown her a whole new side of life that she had never experienced with anyone else before in her life, ever. She was in love with Piper, and would remain so for the rest of her days._

 _She tried calling out for the woman, but all she managed was a soft squeak. This was it, she told herself. No one was coming for her, probably no one was even looking for her, since no one seemed to care anyway. Aydin had told her she would live with her trauma for the rest of her life, but if someone didn't find Alex soon, she felt those words wouldn't hold very true. She could feel her consciousness slipping away, her body was shutting down. She prayed that death would take her, prayed for the pain to stop. Anything was better than this agony she was in._

 _Her vision began to blur, and her eyelids grew heavy. Alex swore she could make out the image of someone standing before her. Had she died already? No, she could still feel pain, it couldn't be that. Was it Aydin? Had he come back for more?_ 'Please God, don't let it be Aydin'.

 _"Alex?" she heard a voice call out to her. She recognised the sound, but she couldn't quite pin it. Was she even really hearing it, or was her mind making things up?_

 _"Alex!" The voice grew louder, closer, and then it hit her. She knew who it was. She would know that voice anywhere._

 _"P-P-P-P-P-Piper," Alex choked out, as the blonde woman dropped to her knees and wrapped strong arms around her, helping h_ _er to sit semi-upright. She leaned into Piper's chest, her breath coming out in ragged sobs._

 _"I'm here Alex," Piper whispered, running soothing fingers through the woman's raven locks, making no effort to hide the tears that were streaming down her face. "You're safe."_

 _"It hurts," Alex whispered, trying to grasp at Piper's shirt, but her shaking hands made it impossible._

 _"Alex, it's gonna be okay, I promise," Piper said softly, pressing a kiss to the woman's forehead, rocking her gently. "I promise."_

 _"I love you Piper," Alex sobbed, trying to press her body closer to the blonde's. Piper's arms tightened around her._

 _"I love you too Alex," she whispered, "I love you too."_

* * *

After that, Piper had carried Alex down to Nurse Dimaguiba's office, where she was then transported to hospital for treatment. Piper insisted she came along, but was told no. In retaliation, she had put her arm against the door frame and slammed the door shut with incredible force, shattering both bones. She was rushed to surgery immediately, and was able to spend a number of days by Alex's side while she recovered. Alex had several broken ribs, severe bruising over most of her body, including her face, and multiple lacerations to her arms, chest, and stomach. Aydin, being the twisted human that he was, had found it hilarious to torture the woman while forcing his way inside her. This was something Alex had found extremely difficult to open up about when being questioned by the authorities, but in the end she had no choice; if he was going to be persecuted and imprisoned, they needed to know everything. Piper was allowed to be with her while she gave her statement, which also gave Alex the strength to speak up about what happened. During her time in recovery, new evidence came to light that revealed Alex wasn't Aydin's first victim, nor was this the first time that Kubra had asked him to perform such heinous acts. Aydin was finally taken to trial six months later, and was sentenced to life in prison for his crimes. Three months after that, Kubra was finally given the sentencing that Alex had been waiting most of her life for, and found comfort in the fact that he would be spending the rest of his days rotting in a cell.

But despite the fact that she was finally free from them, Alex was far from being fine.

Every night she would wake up screaming, reliving her trauma in the form of nightmares. She refused to take showers, because she didn't want to see the scars on her body. She began to despise herself, grew bitter, hated the world. She wanted to die, but stayed for Piper. Piper, who after everything, still loved her with everything she had. Piper, who reminded her every day that no matter what happened between then, she would always continue to fight for her and love her. Piper, who was the only person in the world who saw her scars, both physical and emotional, and remained unmoved in her devotion to her. Slowly, day by day, Piper began to break down the walls Alex had built around herself, bringing her back to life, restoring her faith in the world. Every single day, she saved Alex; from herself, from the voices inside her head, from inmates who tried to tell her she was anything less than the beautiful being that she was. She went to Caputo and confessed that she was the ringleader in the panty business, which extended her sentence, but she never once complained, because it meant that she and Alex would never have to be apart, not for a second. Their release dates were only two days apart, and they vowed that as soon as they got out of those four walls, they would never go back. But it was a long road, and a painful one. They knew it wasn't going to be easy. Alex would struggle with the events of the attack for the remainder of her life. She would have her bad days, and she would have worse days. But Piper swore to her that she would always be there to pick her up when she fell down. Alex didn't understand why Piper was so loyal to her, why she would still want to be with her after everything that had happened. She voiced her thoughts to Piper one night while they were alone in the shower blocks.

* * *

 _"I just don't get it Pipes," she said quietly, staring down at her feet. She had finally allowed Piper to convince her to take a shower, on the condition that she was there with her, and that it was at time when no one else was around to see her. Piper was happy to oblige; whatever it took to help her return to as normal a lifestyle as possible._

 _Piper glanced over at her and raised a questioning eyebrow. "What don't you get Al?" she asked, adjusting the taps in the shower to achieve the right temperature, before walking over to the taller woman._

 _Alex continued to avoid her gaze. "Why you stick around," she sighed. "Why you put up with me when I'm a fucking trainwreck. I mean look at me, I'm-"_

 _Piper cut her words off with a gentle kiss, wrapping her arms around Alex's waist. "Alex," she whispered, "you know why I stick around. I love you, more than anything in this world, and nothing is ever going to change that."_

 _"But I-"_

 _"I don't care how many scars cover your body. I've got them too, remember?" She held up her arm, indicating the area where had to have metal rods placed into it to hold her bones together. "I don't care how ugly you think you are. You are beautiful to me, Alexandra Vause. You will always be beautiful to me. And I'll continue to remind you of this every day for the rest of my life, whether you choose to believe it or not. You're a survivor, you're my hero, you are strong. I love you, and you are so, so beautiful. Okay?"_

 _Alex began to cry. "Okay.." she choked out, and Piper wiped away her tears._

 _"I won't let those voices inside your head destroy you Alex," Piper said softly, removing the woman's glasses. "Mark my words, I will always be here to save you."_

 _"Piper.." Alex breathed. Her words were cut off once again, when Piper brought their lips together in a passionate kiss. Alex felt the tension in her body dissipate as she sank into the warmth of her lover's embrace, losing herself in the moment. Piper slowly pulled her towards the shower, undressing her along the way, as Alex did the same. When they finally reached the inside of the shower, completely naked, Alex froze. Sensing her distress, Piper took her hand and squeezed it._

 _"It's okay Al, I'm not going anywhere," she promised. Alex looked down at herself, at the marks on her skin, and her tears fell freely. She was afraid. This was the first time Piper had seen her body since the greenhouse attack, and she was waiting for her to turn tail and run, despite her promise not to._

 _"Hey Al?" Piper whispered, breaking the woman from her thoughts. Alex looked up and met her eyes, and in that moment she felt safer than she ever had in her entire life. She knew what Piper was going to say before the words even left her mouth. And for the first time in a long time, she believed her._

 _"Yeah Pipes?"_

 _Piper pulled the green-eyed woman towards her, never breaking eye contact, and said, "you are so goddamn beautiful."_

 _Alex's chest tightened; her heart felt as if were going to burst for the love she felt for Piper in that moment. She allowed herself to get lost in the oceans of her eyes, the perfect shade of blue, her calming force. In that moment, she wasn't afraid. She knew she would be okay, as long as she had Piper by her side keeping her strong._

 _"I love you Piper," she smiled, wrapping her arms around the woman's neck. Piper turned her around and gently pressed her back against the wall, kissing her hard._

 _"I love you too Alex," she breathed, pressing their bodies close together. Her fingers brushed across the older woman's skin, eliciting gasps from her. She began kissing along her jaw line, down her neck, across her collar bone, and then back to her mouth. Their tongues moved in perfect synchronization, gliding across one another in a passionate dance. Alex laced her fingers in Piper's golden locks, pulling her deeper into the kiss. Piper's hands roamed Alex's body, gently tracing her fingers across the woman's battle scars. She felt Alex breathe in sharply whenever she touched a sensitive area, and she would always stop to make sure she was okay, and Alex would continue to tell her not to stop. She needed Piper's touch. She'd been craving it for so long. It had been too long since they'd last made love, and now more than ever, Alex needed it. She needed Piper, and her love, to keep her from falling apart. She needed to show Piper that she loved her back. They were two halves of a whole, neither complete without the other, a puzzle missing pieces with anyone else. They were made for each other. They belonged together. Alex was never one to use the word soulmate, but when it came to Piper, it was the first word to spring to mind. Piper was the love of her life, and she Piper's. And she loved her so, so much._

 _"Piper," she said breathlessly in between kisses. Piper gently pulled back and met her eyes._

 _"What's wrong?" she asked. Alex shook her head._

 _"Nothing's wrong," she answered, giving Piper a warm smile. "I just wanted to thank you."_

 _"For what?" asked a confused Piper._

 _"For making me feel beautiful again."_

 _Tears sprung to the blonde woman's eyes. "Oh Alex.." she whispered. "You've always been beautiful."_

 _Their lips collided once more, and there were no more words. Piper pressed her hips into Alex's, and both women let out soft moans. Their kissing became more urgent as they began to rock against one another, unable to control their emotions any longer. Tears were streaming down both of their faces, as they held onto each other as if their lives depended on it. Piper dragged a hand down Alex's stomach and along her thigh, stopping briefly to make eye contact with the raven-haired woman, who nodded her consent. Slowly, Piper entered Alex, and the woman tipped her head back in pleasure; her breathing growing heavier as Piper increased speed. With her free arm, Piper slid it along Alex's, pinning it to the wall as she laced their fingers together. She pressed her lips to her lover's while Alex slid her other hand behind the woman's neck to bring her closer. Every time Piper pulled herself out of her, Alex let out a gentle sigh; when she pushed her fingers back in, she would cry out in pleasure, and squeeze th_ _eir hands together. Piper made sure to take her time so as to not hurt or frighten her, but finally, Alex reached her limit, and felt a wave of bliss engulf her as she released._

 _"Piper.. fuck, I..," she gasped, as she came down from her feeling of euphoria. She rested her head on Piper's shoulder, and the younger woman wrapped her arms around her, holding her close._

 _"I'm here Alex," she whispered, placing a gentle kiss on her shoulder, "and I love you so much."_

 _"I love you Piper," Alex mumbled into her neck. "I love you. I love you. I love you."_

 _They continued to hold each other for an immeasurable amount of time before finally making their way back to their bunk, then lay awake talking for an hour or two, and then finally fell asleep in each other's arms._

* * *

Alex felt tears stinging her eyes as she recalled those moments, remembering how safe she had felt in Piper's arms that night, even more so than all of the other nights. How she had finally decided to ask Piper how she'd found her in the greenhouse. She'd told Alex that she had been on her way to find her to apologise, and had spotted Aydin leaving the greenhouse. She remembered that she had seen him somewhere briefly before in her travels with Alex, and somehow she just knew that something had happened.

 _"Suddenly everything just pieced itself together and I realised you weren't just being paranoid._

Alex had stiffened at that comment, and Piper had quickly kissed her and reminded her that she was safe now and that she loved her. She'd then held Alex close to her chest and played with her hair until they both fell asleep.

Now, back in the present day, Alex felt herself craving that touch again. She needed Piper, needed the safety of her arms, to hear her voice break through the cataclysmic hurricane inside her head and send the demons retreating back into their hideouts. She felt worthless, disgusting, hideous. She felt like she was suffocating, unable to escape the confines of her internal hell. It felt as if the walls were closing in on her, crushing her, trying to break her into thousands of tiny pieces. This was hell, her nightmare; she was never going to escape, she was always going to be stuck feeling this way, she was losing the battle, she-

Warm arms worked their way around her waist, holding her steady, anchoring her. Lips pressed themselves to the space where her neck and shoulder met. They moved towards her ear, parted slightly and whispered "stay away from my wife." And in a flash, the darkness became sunshine, the distorted figures that screamed obscenities inside her brain went back into hiding. Her hands stopped shaking and her body grew light. She was safe, she was was free, she was home.

"Alex, baby, I'm here."

Alex closed her eyes and sank back into her lover's arms. Piper slowly carried her towards their bed, and helped her to lay down, climbing in beside her, and pulled the covers over both of them. Alex turned to face Piper and opened her eyes, and was met with her favourite sight in the world. Her wife smiled at her and whispered "hey you."

"Hey," Alex responded, flashing her signature smirk; her eyes crinkled ever so slightly. Piper wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

"How's it going up there?" she asked, brushing dark strands of hair out of the woman's face.

"They ran the second you showed up," Alex laughed. "You're one badass bitch."

"No one messes with my wife," Piper growled, trying to keep a serious face.

"I love you Piper," Alex whispered, gazing into the younger woman's oceanic eyes, losing herself in them, as she often did. Piper's face softened.

"And I love _you_ , Alex," she smiled, kissing her gently.

"I can't believe we're here," Alex said. "I mean, like, you know. Here. Together.."

"Married?"

"I mean.. yeah," Alex sighed.

"Is that a bad thing?" Piper asked, pretending to to be offended. Alex shook her head.

"Fuck no, it's perfect," she argued. "I just, I guess I never thought I'd ever make it to this day, y'know?" Piper rubbed a hand up and down the older woman's arm, trying to soothe her. She knew what was happening.

"Babe, I promise you, you deserve this happiness just as much as I do," she said softly. "Yeah we went through a lot of shit together and there were times where maybe we thought we weren't gonna make it, but I never once doubted we'd get to this day." Alex raised her eyebrows.

"Really?" she asked.

"Alex, from the moment the I first met you, I knew I was going to marry you," Piper began. "Even after I left you in Paris, even after I met Larry, even after I found out you were the one who named me at the trial, even after all of the shit we put each other through and went through together, I knew. I was lying to myself for a long time, but deep down.. I always knew Alex. I was always going to be Mrs. Piper Vause. And today, finally, after almost twenty years, it happened. I got the happy ending that I'd been dreaming of for so long. I got _you_ , Alex, and nothing on earth is ever going to change the way I feel about you. I am yours, always, and you _do_ deserve the love and happiness that I vowed to always give to you." She wiped away the tears that had started falling down Alex's cheeks. "You deserve this, I promise you. Fuck those voices."

"God I love you Pipes," Alex sighed happily, kissing Piper lovingly.

"I know you do, and I love you too. Don't ever forget that."

They lay in silence for a while, gazing into each other's eyes, until Alex yawned and Piper decided it was time for them to get some sleep.

"Hold me?" Alex questioned, turning her back to Piper so that the woman could spoon her. Piper's arms found their way around the brunette once more, and she rested her head between her shoulder blades, kissing the bare skin.

"Goodnight Alex," she murmured, snuggling in closer.

"Goodnight Pipes."

Alex closed her eyes and felt a smile creep across her lips. Everything had finally fallen into place. Everything had turned out alright. Despite everything they bad been through, she and Piper had come out of it all alive and strong. They made it. Alex still needed therapy to deal with her past, but she was doing a lot better than she used to be. The voices inside her head were there every day, tormenting her, trying to tear her down, but Piper always swept in to save her whenever it started to become too much. She was alive because of Piper. She was strong because of Piper. As long as she had her in her life and by her side, she would be okay. Reminding her that she was strong, that she could survive, that she was-

The question sprang into her mind before she could stop it. She already knew the answer, but she still had to ask.

"Hey Piper?" she asked quietly, hoping the woman was still awake.

"What is it my love?" Piper answered immediately.

"Do you still think I'm beautiful?"

Piper tightened her hold on the woman she could now proudly call her wife, placed a kiss on the side of her neck, and whispered, "always."

* * *

S **ince I know I'm probably gonna get a question about this from some people, Nurse Dimaguiba is the prison nurse, he is an actual character. Look him up if you don't know him :)**

 **Also I apologise for any spelling errors I may have made. It's almost 2:30am and I've been working on this for most of the night.**


End file.
